Anyway, so when something was stolen from me, I knew just what to do. There were calls to the insurance company and an official police report that was filled out in triplicate, and eventually I was even able to bring in media coverage and convince the owners of the regional pawn shops to lend a hand. It wasn't so much the value of the thing, or even the sentiment: to be honest, I didn't care that it was missing.
I was more interested in seeing how much local agitation could be raised to try and start a hunt, and perhaps the news cycle was going through a dry spell or perhaps I had amassed more local favors than I had thought, because by the second day it was in the paper, and by the third day it was front page. There were signs on telephone poles all around town, thoughtfully designed, printed, and posted by the high school art class; there were letters to the editor, letters of condolence arrived from members of the city council, and strangers would come up to me in the grocery store and ask how they could be of assistance.
Cosmicomics / Italo Calvino
And verily, did the forces of heaven descend, and thereto blanket the routes of the citizenry under a cubit of frozen rains, from under which the loyal and faithful were unable to escape. Until, lo, didst the great munificent one send unto his people a truck, and bearing before the great mechanized beast with the power of two hundred steeds was a magnificent plough, a plough with which the awesome strength of the almighty was demonstrated by decimating the suffocating powder.
However, as man was full of his own self worth and became aloof in the presence of his creator, thus was the driver of the plough stricken with gross incompetence, for he was unable to clear the lesser steeds which awaited release into the worldly asphalt pastures. The wickedness of the people was punished through hard labor with shovels and scrapers, until the freedom of their mechanical dependents was won through honest toil.
Yea, though the slings and arrows of frozen snow have thus been conquered, thereat a state of emergency was declared, whereby all worthy citizens were ordered to stay snug in their beds, and not venture forth into the temptations of the land.